Oh well THAT is subtle....

My doctor experience to date has been somewhat mixed. Now I don't lay this on the doorstop of the doctor per se. My doc is actually fairly cool. It was more a minor communications issue, I'd say... So here's what happened on my first visit... .
My doc had told me last time I was in (when she gave the the 'get knocked up pronto or else' speech) that as soon as I got pregnant I should come in and see her. Since I have high blood pressure and am over the age of 22, I am apparently considered 'high-risk', aka 'needs a lot of adult supervision with this babymaking deal'. Shortly post dipstick results, I was a good little patient and called for the first available appointment.
Now the downside of being squeeze into a busy schedule is that there isn't a lot of time for liiiiingering conversations. That wasn't a huge issue, mainly because I wasn't quick capable of conversations at that point. Remember, I had JUST found out a beebee was on the way, so I was still fairly deer in the headlights about the whole thing. I also I still hadn't gotten my hormonal sea-legs, so to speak, so I spent most of my first appointment either incoherently attempting to answer yes/no questions, crying for no discernible reason, or looking as stunned at if I gotten whacked in the head with a trout. My husband was kind generous and caring enough to go to this first appointment with me, which meant the world. About 2 minutes into the visit, he too got the trout to the head look, although in his case, it was in response to me tearing up when the doctor gave me a free vitamin sample. What can I say, the baby on the box was just so precious looking!
After this 10 minute drama, the doctor, who is saint like in her patience with patients, sent us on our way with list of desired tests as long as my arm. Including one testing to see how much protein my kidneys throw off. Now, anyone able to do basic proof would come to the conclusions that if you are looking at kidney products, you would be looking at, well, pee. I was barely able to tie my shoes from all the excitement, so I didn't really GET that this wasn't so much a blood test she was talking about. Oh there were plenty of those though. Vial after vial worth. I 1/2 expected Wesley Snipes to come crashing through the window, Blade a-blazen. But no such luck. I was merely sucked dry and sent out.
As I stagger toward sunlight, the nice lady behind the counter called after me...."Wait! Don't forget your kidney function test!". I'm mildly concerned simply because I don't think I have any liquid anywhere in my body... I toddle woozily over to the counter and the woman hands me a flyer with a list of instructions. I am confused, since I was expecting something more along the lines of a small clear cup, and really, I know what to do with that. As I'm squinting at the sheet, she whomps onto the counter in front of me the largest piddlebucket I have ever seen in my life. This thing is the size of a GAS CAN. a LARGE gas can. With LITER marks on the side. in BRIGHT ORANGE. On the plus side it would be safe for hunting season. The downside is it's not exactly what you would call discrete.
And my little sheet o instructions is quite clear on what has to happen next. For the next 24 hours, I must capture every little dribblet of widdle, and can it. Did I mention this appointment was in the morning and I was now rather late for work? WORK. I have to pee in a giant orange jug AT WORK. Now I'm not sure on the exact workplace etiquette that applies here, but no matter how you slice it, wandering the podfarm with a jug of my own urine is decidedly not cool. People REALLY don't need a part of that. And clearly following the recommended procedure and refrigerating the giant can is totally beyond the pale. People's lean freakin cuisines are in there for heck's sake! This would be less of an issue if I was out of the closet with this whole 'growing a little creature' thing, but work has no idea. And I'd liek to keep it that way for at least another few weeks. You ever try to explain why you need to pee in a jug to your boss? Really, I hope you never do.
I will spare you the gory details of exactly how "operation GoJow" (Giant Orange Jug 'O Widdle) was accomplished. Like many black bag ops, it involved a great deal of skulking, disguises (mainly for the jug), and the details would make you downright queasy if you knew. But i am happy to report it was indeed accomplished - granted, I avoided beverages for straight 24 hours and they didn't get anywhere NEAR their 7 liter maximum, but hey, they got plenty! I can hardly wait for the next 3 times I get to do it... nope... not kidding....
I'm happy to report doc visit 2 involved no jugs and minimal urine - yay for everyone! I'll update you on that and on spreading the news, and reactions thereto - up next!!