Thursday, September 11, 2008

I'm a mommy...

I've been a bit lax on updates due to T-total chaos in my general life - short version, sick infant, hubby quit job to go back to school full time, & my boss quit, so I've got the whole 'look smart and competent for the new boss who, incidentally is a morning person (ew!)' thing going on. So yeah....
Anyway, I've been mulling this post for a bit and putting it off since I don't think I can do the subject justice. I finally decided that an inadequate post is better than no post, so here goes.
I am a mommy. Theoretically, we knew this, what with the whole giving birth and getting pooped or thrown up on daily ever since deal. I also am a daughter. Again, not really a shock, except to those who think I sprung full grown from the surf all greek goddess style (it is to laugh). Being a daughter means I have a mommy, and now I AM a mommy, and that's the point where my brain melts.
Here's the why - my mother, whom I love and really is a pretty gosh darn rockin mom over all, can really get on my nerves. Why? Cause she's my mom. Period. Moms can just be annoying. Merely by existing. It's part of the job description. They tell you to take your shoes off in the house, and to make sure you eat lots of fiber, and look enquiringly at your new hairdo while very loudly saying absolutely nothing about it. Moms are just, YOU know, MOMS .
Now back to point number one - I AM A MOM. Now granted, at this stage, The Infant mostly chews on her feet so worst case she'd track spit around, if she could even walk which she can't. She has a diet of exclusively boob juice and formula (does anyone else think of cheesy 50's movie mad scientists every time they hear the word 'formula'? right. only me. check.) so no fiber issues. And she really doesn't have much by way of hair yet, so no conflict there. Yet. I know, no matter how much I swear swear swear it won't happen, I will be as annoying to my daughter as my mom is to me. Cause it's nature's way. Cause I am a MOM . I could sooner stop the rain as I could stop the teenage eye-rolling that is way closer than any of us imagine.
While the parent lore is true, you do gain a much higher appreciation for your parents once you become one yourself, you don't stop being a daughter or a son. When I'm with them both - it's all kinda confusing - I'm still rolling my eyes at my mom, while lovingly caring for a daughter of my own, who will, in due time roll her eyes at me.
The part that really floored me is when I realized that I am ALL parts of mommy, not just the annoying part. I love my mother, and she was the person I turned to when the kids were mean to me at school, or I skinned my knee, or when I had really done something big and wonderful. And to this day, when I am sick, there is always a part of me that just wants my mommy. I have an amazing dad, and I love him to death, but mommies are special. And to this very day, she cheers my victories and helps heal my booboos and sends me fiber bars in the mail, and above all loves me with everything she has.
Cradling my beautiful perfect precious baby girl in my arms last night, rocking her to sleep, it all came together. My mommy did this with me - she held me and rocked me and made it all ok. Now I have been blessed by God with a daughter of my own. And the true blessing I have with the chance to be for her all those things that my mom is to me. The weight of the gift was a little overwhelming, but I am so very grateful for the opportunity. I will do everything I can to earn the right to say honestly 'I am a mommy'.

1 comment:

BiblioDiva said...

Thanks for making me tear up at my desk.